Is your child refusing to go to school? Learn the causes, symptoms, and how parents can support children struggling with school refusal. Discover how therapy can help.
What Is School Refusal?
School refusal, also known as school avoidance, happens when a child experiences intense emotional distress about going to school. This isn’t just a child “faking sick” or acting out — school refusal is often rooted in anxiety, depression, or other emotional or behavioral concerns that make school feel overwhelming or even unsafe.
School refusal can start suddenly or gradually. Some children struggle during transitions (like starting a new school year), while others develop school-related anxiety due to academic pressure, social difficulties, bullying, or changes at home.
Left untreated, school refusal can lead to academic setbacks, social isolation, and long-term emotional challenges. But with early intervention, including therapy and family support, children can overcome the underlying issues and return to school with confidence.
Common Reasons Children and Teens Refuse School
Understanding why your child is refusing school is key to helping them. Some common causes include:
- Separation Anxiety
Younger children, especially in elementary school, may fear being away from parents or caregivers.
- Generalized Anxiety or Social Anxiety
Fear of being judged, participating in class, or interacting with peers can cause extreme distress.
- Bullying or Peer Conflict
Children who are being bullied often avoid school to escape the fear or embarrassment of confrontation.
- Academic Pressure or Learning Difficulties
A child who feels they can’t keep up in class may avoid school to avoid failure, embarrassment, or shame.
- Depression or Emotional Distress
Kids and teens experiencing depression may feel hopeless, tired, or disinterested in school and struggle to get out of bed.
- Changes at Home
Family transitions like divorce, relocation, illness, or loss can contribute to school-related anxiety or refusal.
Symptoms of School Refusal
It’s not always obvious that your child is refusing school due to emotional distress. Here are some signs and symptoms to watch for:
Emotional and Behavioral Symptoms:
- Crying, panic, or tantrums before school
- Clinginess or refusal to leave home
- Complaints of “not feeling well” (with no medical explanation)
- Refusal to get dressed or leave for school
- Worrying about things that might happen at school
- Asking to stay home frequently or having trouble sleeping the night before
Physical Symptoms:
- Stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or fatigue
- Dizziness or rapid heartbeat before or during school hours
- Frequent visits to the school nurse
Academic and Social Signs:
- Falling behind in schoolwork
- Avoiding friends or social events
- Excessive use of technology or isolation during school hours
Tips for Parents: How to Support a Child with School Refusal
- Stay Calm and Supportive
Your child’s fear may seem irrational to you, but it feels very real to them. Offer empathy and stay calm when discussing school.
- Don’t Reinforce Avoidance
Allowing your child to stay home often makes the fear worse. Work with a therapist or school staff to gradually return your child to class.
- Create a Morning Routine
A predictable and calm morning routine can reduce anxiety. Include extra time for emotional connection and preparation.
- Talk to the School
Collaborate with teachers, counselors, or administrators to create a plan — this may include a gradual return, modified schedules, or extra support.
- Validate and Problem-Solve
Instead of saying “You’re fine,” try “I know this is hard — let’s figure it out together.” Help your child learn to cope with discomfort, not avoid it.
- Track Patterns
Keep a log of when your child resists school. This may help identify specific triggers like certain classes, people, or routines.
How Therapy Helps Children with School Refusal
A child therapist can help identify the root cause of school refusal and work with both the child and parents to develop healthy coping strategies. Therapy focuses on:
- Reducing anxiety or emotional distress
- Building confidence and resilience
- Improving coping skills and emotional regulation
- Addressing social or academic concerns
- Collaborating with schools and parents for consistency and support
For children struggling with deeper issues like anxiety disorders, trauma, or depression, a mental health therapist can provide the structured, evidence-based support needed for lasting change.
You’re Not Alone — Help Is Available
School refusal can be incredibly stressful for both children and their families. But with compassionate support and the right tools, your child can return to school and thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.
Ready to Get Support?
At Rosecrans & Associates, we specialize in helping children and teens overcome school anxiety, school refusal, and emotional challenges through compassionate, evidence-based therapy.
Located in Algonquin, we support families in Lake In The Hills, Crystal Lake, Carpentersville, Huntley, Elgin, East Dundee and West Dundee, Cary, and McHenry, and offer both in-person and telehealth therapy options.
Schedule your consultation today and take the first step toward helping your child feel confident and supported again.
Call 847-461-8414